constant narrator

Oh little loney blog, I’m sorry. If I’d known how truly easy it was to export my Moveable Type’s mysql database and import it into WordPress after that 1-click install through Dreamhost, I would have done it a year ago. But no, I’m lazy and fear the technology. Which is funny, being that I design it. Ha ha. Not really.

At any rate, I’ve now converted which means I can actually deal with the evil spamcommenterfucks and write here without having to close comments and delete 1273 comments linking to casinos, v1agrA! and hoooo-deeyah.

Now that I’m over the job-quitting > contract/job-hunting > intense contract > job-offer contemplating > job-offer accepting > two holiday weeks hosting the family > suddent trip to San Francisco > starting new job, I should be writing more. For the three of you that care. Yay!

Next major project: the apartment. After I settle into the job for another week or two.

I just back from Iowa where my brothers and I threw an enormous and fabulously fun surprise party for my Mom’s 70th birthday. She had no clue.

I have never lied so much in my life.

M and I flew in on Friday, and after a series of “mishaps” (and the most anxiety-ridden morning I can remember) lured her to Iowa City for “lunch” with my brother and his partner. There she opened the door to the Iowa River Power Restaurant to find all my brothers (from all corners of the country), their partners, grandkids, foster-brother and their kids and 70 friends hooting and blowing horns and making noise. It was awesome. I have never seen my mom so speechless for so long. She then proceeded to bawl, get a glass of wine and promptly kiss a handsome young waiter on the lips. My goodness!

I was so proud of all her her friends for not spilling the beans, as they’re all phone hounds and talk to her for hours on end. They were wonderful! The food was awesome, drinks were awesome, the weather was awesome, cake was awesome, it just completely kicked ass. My brother Andrew is a rockstar event planner!

Mom has spent the last few days reliving it with me and her zillion friends on the phone. I think it will give her something happy to chew over for a while.

It took a lot of work and time. We love her, she’s worth it.

I feel like I’ve had a lot of changes waiting in the wings, for months now. I’ve been watching the back burner and waiting and procrastinating and calling and sitting and sometimes staring at the wall immobilized, but now some motion is upon me and I’m remembering that all change, no matter how good (or even straight-level-ambivalent change) is tough.

At my better moments I can remind myself how nice it is to ride the current and see where it goes, with the occasional vigorous and directed paddling. But sometimes I forget and cling to the riverbank, wishing the water would stop rising, or getting colder or was filled with less fish.

I had a good conversation with Bug tonight that reminded me that just about everyone walks through their lives feeling they’re a fraud in one way or another, either professionally or emotionally or with the mailman, because they mail themselves greeting cards to look popular at delivery time. That we’re all scared and not sure what we’re doing, just bullshitting the way through our day hoping we get something right and don’t fuck up too badly. And then once we’re comfortable and not so afraid of being fraudulent in that job/relationship/mail-carrier-mind, we whine that we’re bored and start looking for something else to do.

Anxious, fretful habit-energy – hello! I see you. Now let’s have some tea.

This weekend M and I flew up to Chicago to visit my brother and his partner and hang out. Friday was spent being lazy in the morning and then we had a quick tour of Northwestern’s Evanston campus and the Fisk building that houses the Medill journalism program. In a way it reminded me of the old home of the Iowa Writers’ Workshop on the top floor of the EPB – surprisingly plain and drab considering it’s thought of as one of the most prestigious programs of its kind in the country. The building was large and seemed well-used, and there is another campus and main news bureau downtown as well, so I didn’t get a full look at everything.

Afterwards we headed downtown on the train and met my brother for a tour of the Pritzker Military Library, where he’s event coordinator. From there we grabbed some quick Thai food and then walked to the new Frank Gehry-designed ampitheatre, and, what luck! there was an orchestra warming up for an evening concert. Since the theatre isn’t much of a bowl shape they made up for it by building this cool lattice over the field that has speakers at strategic points. The sound was amazing. I would love to get a layperson’s explanation of all of the aural/distance/time calculations that went into the speakers and their placement and the sound delivery delay.

From the ampitheatre we headed to “Cloudgate” aka “The Bean” which is quite possibly the coolest piece of public art I have ever seen. We walked past the spitting-people fountain and to the Art Institute, which was free since it was a Friday night. I got to show M and A my favorite Renoir painting, Seascape. We also made it through the Impressionists to the large Joseph Cornell collection, which was much better to see in person than in books. I also stumbled onto a couple of Clifford Still paintings, which made me happy and made me miss SFMOMA and their grand collection of his pieces.

Chicago was really showing me the ol’ artistic leg on Friday and made me really long to live in a big city with so much civic art happening.

It’s the first day of the year that I feel a bit sun-toasty. Bug and I went to the Sustain-a-Ball this morning, a farmer’s market with an Earth Day twist that Hank’s friend Samantha helped organize. I bought lettuces and yummy dense organic pastries and talked to the Austin BioFuels guy for a while. We got to feeling toasty walking the see of concrete so we adjourned to Cafe Mundi and drank lovely iced beverages from the odd ground-seating-pit there and discussed the merits and drawbacks of bamboo.

From there we went to the Camp ISH workday at Jack and Sarah’s and much sawing was performed in the service of camp comfort. I finally gave little Sofia the Rainbow Worm of Doom so she will have something to gnaw on with those two teeth besides carrots and her mommy’s boobie.

When I came home the sun was down and I went out to water my hanging pots. When I looked up into my giant elm tree I saw a huge spotted owl staring down at me. He stayed in the tree for a bit while I moved towards him slowly to get a closer look. Then he flew to my neighbor’s elm so I trailed after him. The cardinals were most displeased and flew around the trees chirping to each other, like a little cardinal air-raid siren.

I’m kinda sleepy.